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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Life has this habit of playing funny games with you. It messes with your head and leaves you alone to sort everything out. These different states of mind are so unpredictable. It's like you're a bloody Arnold Schwarzenegger one moment, and a Stephen Hawking the next. Like I'm some nutter just waiting to be Erragadda'd.

Take today for example. I'm finding it difficult to put in words exactly how positive and upbeat I feel. Right now, I'm confident of getting through B-School, landing a good (better?) job and just plain work less and draw my fatass-manager paycheck. I'm so sure I can do it, I can actually see it. Should I be whining? Apparently not. But I have this bad feeling that I'll take a decision that will impact my life in a huge way, but I will not have the steam to carry through with it.

Case in point: My endeavor to learn a new language. For the longest time I've wanted to learn Arabic. Probably because I've lived in the Gulf most of my childhood. All excited I made some really tall promises/claims and got some people I know to arrange for a tutor. All was well in the beginning. But I've lost it completely. Sure.. I'm following the classes and all but the strong surge of confidence in me, that told me I'd crack this has abandoned me and now I'm left with this (what seems like a) huge task. I feel like kicking myself.

So like I said, this feeling of confidence doesn't really make me feel that good. I try hard to make it go away and to make myself think more realistically. But again I dread that I might be killing ambition here. What do I do? How do I organize myself and make the right move? Can someone just give me a universal decision tree that I keep with me for life. All I want to do is pull this card out with these simple do's and don'ts that I can use to make all my decisions. I don't want to use my mind anymore.

I've lost it!

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